My sheets look like a crime scene.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
Is puking blood really that bad of a sign? Can we pretend this is okay?
It's okay.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
