is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
