i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
Randomize