If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She was giving me that "well this is awkward since you drunkedly tried to hook up with me" look.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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