sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Randomize
