I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
