She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
