I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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