i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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