someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
