you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I have post one night stand depression
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
