my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
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