she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
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