He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
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