I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
