Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
