One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
