thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
There is nacho cheese and blood everywhere.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
