I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
