You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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