DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
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we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
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Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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