u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Randomize
