I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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