i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
