We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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