you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
