hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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