I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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