Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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