youre lurking in front of me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Randomize
