And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
