i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I understand why you refuse to be sober now
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
