allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT