I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Yeah, we agreed, but I feel like I need at least one more ride on the bonecoaster
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
