there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
