You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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