I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Randomize
