I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
Randomize
