remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
Randomize
