Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
