Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
