those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Randomize
