I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
