you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Randomize
