Lavender boy was great at seduction and crappy in bed.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Randomize
