A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
I see more hoeing in ur future
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