So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
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