We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
