I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
