from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
