Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
