he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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