At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
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