I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
Randomize
