All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
