What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Randomize
