All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we used the bottom of a tampon for coke since no one had a 20 on them. My life has resisted to this.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
