is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Randomize
