dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
I'd invite you over to drink but then I wouldn't be drinking by myself.
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