Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
