Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
