We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Randomize
