i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
