My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
