I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
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He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
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I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are