so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
25 Facts Men Don’t Know About Women Until They Live Together
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
These 19 People Imagine Others When Banging Their SO
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok