Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here