absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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