I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Randomize
