I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
