I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I think I just smoked a piece of your foot. Were u picking your feet by the weed?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize