If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
I was packing a bowl naked and her dog just stared at me with pure rage
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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